What a time for transitions in our lives. The Gentleman Farmer and I have had several of those in the last year of our lives, really two. Those transitions have happened for the both of us separately, as well as a couple. And I feel sometimes I cannot catch my breath for all of the changes that occur.
Many people have asked how I enjoy marriage. And I reply, “How should I enjoy marriage?” (I love it by the way but I never imagined marriage as a fairy tale.) I am part of an exclusive club that several have not joined yet. I have always felt and understood relationships to be what you make it. I am intentional about the way I treat my husband, and I hope he is the same with my thoughts and feelings. I know many people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, and that may be true for some. I believe those challenges may arise when two households need to meld into one, a couple is determining gender roles, and other important discussions that sometimes does not occur before marriage if they are not already cohabiting. Since the GF and I have lived together for over a year, the challenge of melding our belongings together occurs less frequently. However, we have challenges that we faced long before we decided to get married, and that has not stopped since we said “I do” three months ago. Stressors have been added without alleviating others, seemingly making this time in our lives more difficult than other passages of time. Instead of saying, “Wow, this is hard” I like to think, “My partner and I will tackle this together if we allow each other to help.”
I cannot speak for the Gentleman Farmer, but I know I am questioning this transitional period in my life personally and professionally. It is nothing to do with him – or actually, only a small part to do with him but nothing about our relationship- and more with how I am handling all of the changes I am faced today. I am in tune with my thoughts, my feelings, and my well-being, and I know sometimes I cannot decipher my needs wholeheartedly. I am an advocate for help, whether that is seeking assistance from family and friends or the need to speak to a counselor. If I cannot take care of myself first, I cannot take care of my family, friends, or little humans when that day comes. I want to have an arsenal of tools to help me prepare for our lives in the future, while feeling like my best self right now.
If you know me, you know I am not a person who handles change well. I couldn’t handle when I changed schools; I was always in trouble during that transitional year. It takes me a long time to change jobs, to move to another house, or other “big-ticket” affairs. I love my life more now than any other time in history, but I think I need to slow down and take hold of ensuring I am who I want to be. And that’s the great thing about transitions. You are always moving towards something bigger, better, and more fulfilling than your past self. I want to be all in, motivated, and well equipped to prepare for my next stage in life.