How to be Married

How to be Married

How does one be married? I found out this month as part of my reading list Ms.Coco gave me. I also gave her a book to read that I hoped would help her but I’ll let her tell you about that.

I have a growing number of books that have been recommended to me this year Ms.Coco is the main contributor. I love this idea of sharing books with each other, and it feels like we are learning a growing together.

I’m going to summarize some of the favorite parts of this book.

While JO Piazza is in Mexico, she talks about how everyone has dangerous expectations for what being married will be. These expectations can lead us to frustration and failure in our relationships.

A great exercise Piazza recommended is the five minutes of uninterrupted talking each day. Ms.Coco and I did try this for a while, and I think it’s something we do naturally anyway.

The France chapter was another one that spoke to me. The idea that American men are afraid of American women is a concern that has come up over and over again recently. The idea that women should talk to men about what turns them on and makes them happy is an important one. Usually, I think the answer will be we want to make out women happy, but women should drill deeper into our desires. The French understand the idea that both partners need to put in work to stay desirable to each other, be a wife and his mistress.

The idea that it takes work to maintain love and desire long term is scary. We think it should be something that just happens. It’s hard to avoid nagging, fighting, picking on small things, getting bored, and complaining. We spend so much time now on our Ipads, Laptops, and smartphones sharing all our uplifting and inspiring moments, sometimes we forget to share those moments with the people close to us that matter.

But to quote Mariane French women Jo interviewed.
“Sex heals all wounds.” I would take it a step further and say “Good sex transcends all problems.”

Advertisements

Reading and Learning Together

Reading and Learning Together

September had been a rough month for us. I haven’t got to see much of Ms. Coco because of her commute, work schedule, and her travel commitments. These commitments have put a strain on her, myself, and our relationship in ways I didn’t realize until recently.

We decided to read several books this month that the other person recommended. Books have been a comfort to me this month while I miss my very busy partner. I have also been scribbling in them, ways to ease her burden of work and commuting so we have more time together. I’ve even scribbled down some calculations about how much time Ms. Coco spend commuting every day to see if there are some ways to get some of that time back.

The first book she recommended was Whatever Happened To Interracial Love? By: Kathleen Collins. This book was very confusing to me at first but looking back on it several of the short stories stood out.

Recommended to me by my significant other was not something I would have read, but I’m glad I did. While some of the stories were hard to read and follow, I liked how the author used her style and voice to create a unique experience.

In one of the short stories, Collins uses racial differences to paint an exciting narrative about two roommates and their interracial lovers.

In another short story, Lifelines, Collines uses letters from her Characters Husband to add a fun twist to her stories about a married woman and her husband who lives overseas. They are corresponding about selling her families house in the Adirondacks. The two characters have a different view of why they are selling the home. She is excellent at putting emotions into these stories.

The second book I read was The Magnolia Story By Chip and Joanna Gaines. This book surprised me.

Another recommendation, not something I would have looked twice at if I hadn’t watched their TV show. This book had some great lessons, and I enjoyed reading it.

It follows the story of Chip and Joanna’s journey of building their relationship, business, and family together. The narrative jumps back and forth between Chip and Joanna telling the story with Joanna contributing the majority of the story.

My favorite part of this book is how Chip and Joanna struggled with their dating life, marriage, and even kids. Build their business also put stress on their life but they found a way to overcome it all together and where stronger for it.

Three great pieces of advice I got from this book.
1. Don’t own a TV, if you want to be productive, quality time is more important.
2. Sometimes you have to leap of faith.
3. Keep on going, and you will find a way.

The next book that Ms. Coco chose for me was “How to Be Married” by Jo Piazza. It’s about the lessons she learned during her first year of marriage while she traveled around the world asking for marriage advice from people in many different cultures. Surprisingly some of the information in this book Ms. Coco and I have already received much as Jo Piazza did. I’ll tell you more next time.

Routines and Comfort Zone

Routines and Comfort Zone

I know when my favorite TV Game of Thrones comes on. Sunday night, and I know I’m usually free and can rely on where I’m going to be to watch it. If something happens, I know I may watch it the next day too.

I have lots of little routines like this in my life. It’s my comfort zone. Sometimes I get out of my comfort zone, something disrupts it, and I have to adjust for that. Sometimes the adjustment is very modest, like leaving my cell phone in another room so it doesn’t distract me before I got to bed so I can have a restful nights sleep.

Other times the disruption is much larger and can change how I think or make me reevaluate what I believe. I don’t always understand emotions or feelings that I have let alone those of other people. I think emotional intelligence is an important skill to have and is not one I have mastered. Ms. Coco and I often have different views on the world and different reactions to things. I try very hard to understand how she sees the world and why she feels a certain way, I’m not sure how successful I am at either one of these indevours.

This month has been full of new routines, chores, and experiences. You think that being with someone for a year or two even you would have an understanding of who they are, what they are thinking, and how they feel. Ms. Coco and I are always surprising each other with new challenges both actual and hypothetical. These tests can be easy to overcome at times or sometimes become a recurring disruption.

Sometimes I worry that a disruption will be too large for us and it will fundamentally change how we feel about each other. I have faith in her to be able to adjust to my lack of understanding, and I know Ms. Coco will eventually forgive me for my lack of empathy at times. But I still worry that things will change which keeps out of my comfort zone, I’m hoping that never actually changes so that I can continue to try to improve my understanding of her and her life.