13 years ago my friends and I decided that our family Thanksgiving were too stressful and not very fun. So we got a group of friends together the weekend before the official Thanksgiving day. The idea was simple, everyone makes their favorite dish and brings some drinks. Since we were all in college at the time, there was lots of cheap beer involved.
My friend told me this week at our 13th PreThanksGiving dinner (we call it that because got it’s named before the current trend of Friendsgiving) that this was the event he most looks forward to every year. A friend said it was the first time he’d cooked a Turkey; another friend said it was the first time he’d ever prepared anything, and several people said it was the first event they had ever hosted.
While one of us usually volunteers to host the event the idea is we are all the hosts and can invite other guests. This system often leads to a fascinating mix of people. I’ve had several people comment on both the diversity of food and people at our events. The mixture of friends and their favorite dishes make for an exciting dinner for everyone.
Over the years our event had Ranger in size, location, and intensity of drinking. But we all look forward to seeing each other and trying new dishes. Since this is Hygge month and one of the leading ideas is quality time with family and friends, our pre-thanksgiving is very Hygge.
At the end of the night, we are all full of food, beer, and warm feelings about the great time we had with our friends.
I’ve also been thinking about ways to make our time together more meaningful since time is our limited commodity recently. I have found the chapter in How to be Married by Jo Piazza on Denmark instrumental, especially the Hygge (loosely translates to “wellbeing” or “to comfort”) oath created by Danish psychotherapist Iben Sandahl, and has the following recommendation.
1. Turn off phones and Ipads.
2. Leave drama at the door.
3. Share fun and uplifting stories.
4. Do not complain unnecessarily.
5. Make a conscious effort to enjoy the food and drinks.
6. Light candles if you are inside.
7. Do not brag.
8. Tell funny and uplifting stories. Retell those stories again and again.
9. Make a conscious effort to feel gratitude and love.
I hope that this teaches us how to work better together, these challenges are valuable lessons for us to learn and keep growing together.
If you didn’t know, I work full-time away from home. I am a Family and Consumer Sciences Agent – what once was known as Home Demonstration Agent or Home Economics – for the extension service. I work a lot with my community on many of the things the Gentleman Farmer and I have discussed on this blog. Family relationships, finances, communication, healthy eating habits, etc. are all in my job description. The more I learn about my community’s needs, the more programs I host to give them the tools to navigate their own lives.
I find this to be a big responsibility. I love my job, and I want to help build stronger families. However, I have noticed – and so has the GF – that I am working more and more without taking some things off my plate. It all came to a head one day when I realized I am beginning to work like I am teaching high school again. Now, that necessarily isn’t a bad thing. But I left the classroom for a couple of reasons. I was at work over 12 hours a day 4 out of 5 times a week, I rarely had time to hang out with my friends or even my dog, and I was tired ALL OF THE TIME. I do not want to do this again in this position, so I started taking steps to relieve myself of specific duties.
I talk to the Gentleman Farmer about a variety of things in my life. I had mentioned several times the need to reduce my workload. Like I stated earlier, he has said to me on more than one occasion that I am not spending a lot of time at home, and in turn, with him. The GF suggested that I read the 20 Minute Manager: Getting Work Done when we decided our challenge for October was a book club – of sorts. I enjoyed this book immensely. There was self-reflection throughout the book, tips to implement now, and how to evaluate to see if the methods are working. I have applied a better system for organizing my desk, deciding what are the most critical tasks and delegating others, and have found empowerment in being able to talk to my boss about workplace issues – that’s another post for a different day.
Since reading this book last month, I have actively tried to be home earlier than past few months. We are currently hosting two other dogs – Prince Puff and Sebastian – to see if that will calm our poodle down. I do not want the Gentleman Farmer to seem as if he is taking care of them solo and I feel sorry for leaving them so long. Out of the last two weeks, I have worked hard to finish up work early so that I can get home at a decent hour. I hope the GF has realized this and will spend that extra time with me. After all, the entire reason I am re-evaluating my schedule is that of his concerns – and my sanity.